Feed it

Love... Love Is like a newborn it needs to constantly be fed not every 2hrs but you get the imagery. Now when love is born it's alive (obviously) and needs feeding but you got to be mindful of what you feed it! You can feed it good or bad. BAD SHIT will nurture love to become some volatile self/dual destructive entity eating you alive from the inside out slowly. GOOD SHIT will allow it to grow into something beautiful successful and smart something that everyone will admire. Unfortunately many times we feed love both, mostly bad shit leading to that good ol feeling that LOVE HURTS nawwww buddy the shit your feeding love is what hurts LOVE IS NEVER SUPPOSED TO HURT, but like all thing if you continue to feed love bullshit that fucker is going to croke! So be sure to read the back of the box check the ingredients of the shit your feeding love cuz u don't want to be the reason for a heart attack!


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Words in my vocal right now

CHARLATAN- a flamboyant deceiver

MANIPULATOR- someone who control or influence skillfully, usually to ones advantage

CONNIVING- acting together in secret towards fraudulent end

MOUNTEBANK- flamboyant deceiver

PREVARICATOR- a person who has lied or who lies repeatedly


***And that's how the fuck I feel right now!***


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Smoke Break

"In passing, also, I would like to say that the first time Adam had a chance he laid the blame on a woman." 
—Nancy Astor 

Dear Mirror my best friend,

   Why is it that when he fucks up (as he so eloquently puts it) the first thing he does is to find a way to blame me, but he follows it up with it's not you something is wrong with me. Actually you just pretty much told me it was me. Please don’t bandage my feelings simultaneously while you're wounding me boy! I say boy and not man, because a man would clearly have the mental capacity to accept responsibility for his faults! A Man... with that realization of said fault would take the necessary action to fix the FAULTS... 

See and in that statement is another question, did he realize his faults? Or did he stick them in the same pocket he put the condom that he labeled the just in case my home boy is in a sticky situation, just in case something happens, or the just in case it’s a habit from when I needed a just in case. Let me ask a question just in case, did he just simple say what he thought I wanted to hear...... 

He might want to take a little smoke break if he’s not keeping up, because some of us need to be in a state of higher consciousness to understand those things that I consider basic in the psychological processing of physical and emotions information and he may be one of them.

The problem see is that I was simply asking a question that I already knew the answer too! Leading me to the realization that when you love someone you will always be the one blamed for his or her short comings. Because in some strange twist of the universe and/or alignment of the planets. You will be best friends with the reflection of what he hate in himself....

I embody who he doesn't want to be, but has become I am the soul he can’t hide from. He is naked with me.... like making passionate  love with the lights off, a self-conscious love. I alone see him for who and what he really is! Still I love him for exactly that, but in his eyes that is unacceptable! So he blinds me.

Throwing lye in my face when I least suspected it. When my eyes were wide open but I was not looking at a thing. When I was busy looking at my own reflection and liked what I saw. He was busying plotting my emotional destruction.

But as his reflection I can honestly say he is fucked, because like Peter Pan when your shadow or in this instance your reflections leaves you’re not complete. Who or what is left to tell him about himself except for him and clearly I’m not the only one he is lying to! If he did not take the smoke break I suggested earlier ill clarify and simplify what it is I’m trying to say he is lying to himself and to all those around him! Tho I will always be a piece of his refection I have

 transformer into a new refection not connected and complete.

With love,

Reflection also known as Woman

Transformation Part 2

Ok well I been going thru some bullshit this last Yr! I LOST MYSELF! Don't fret tho cuz I have started to find her! How am I doing this you may ask...I'll tell u how right now...

1. I redid my entire apartment! I changed everything round and used things in different places. I only purchased one or 2 small decorative elements to add an extra kick. ( new me new apartment)

2. Changed my look! New hair cut, color, style, nails, tattoo, piercings (talk about pain damn it), make up, and working on my body! I lost 10lbs 15 more to go!

3. Shut out the bull shit! I deactivated my Facebook to keep out the negativity.

4. I have Stopped S•M•O•T•H•E•R•I•N•G myself!

5. Taking myself out of my comfort zone and " jumping out there"! I have been going to new places and meeting new people and doing things that I would never do before ( kind of a fun * devious smile*)


Like I said above I have started to find myself again! Realizing that I was lost
was the first step! I have embraced the changes in my life and I have accepted them!

I am allowing myself alllllllll the toppings on this Sundae called life. I'm very excited to see what happens. Very excited, I'm 24...the world is in my hands!

You never know when it's ur time to go and I'm going to live my life as if this moment it my very last!







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Transformation Part 1

On my new SHIT! Stay Tuned!!!


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Get Left

I think it's so funny how men have this misconception that once they "have" a women that they have nothing to worry about b/c she will never leave. Even though sometimes they get a little shook they play the quick fix game and pull you back in! Well, I'm here to do u a favor and let you known whats up!

Ok here goes ... It takes a lot for a women to be done with a man that she loves. You can cheat, steal, lie, any and everything but if that switch in her brain has not gone off your right she will come back ( this is because when a women loves she loves all the way flaws and all). The thing is when that switch does switch off....no coming back honey. It could happen when you decided to get your shit together! Actually a lot of times that switch goes off when you're acting right its just to late. Sometime our mind makes the decision before our heart does and it needs time to catch up. So men out there when you love your women and you know you hurt her A LOT get your shit together before it's to late do what you got to do or you're going to get left!

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So It's Not What I Expected But It's Still My Life!

Well it’s my life, therefore its me; therefore I have no choice but to love it! I thought that I would be in a completely different place right now! I thought that I would be a happy newlywed beginning a new chapter in my life building towards a future.....Not the case! I was mad, then I was sad ,then I was mad again, and then I realized (recently I might add) this is my life I’m exactly where it is I’m meant to be right now! Over the last year I have learned soo much about myself, who I am, who I want to be, and who I’m not.

     I know that there are reasons unknown to me why my life is where it is right now, but if I take a step back and look at my life as well as myself I realize that my life is pretty fucking great! I have wonderful people in my life and I’m happy! I have unhappy moments, but I’m happy, I’m beautiful, I’m smart, and TOTALLY on a crazy path of self discovery! I have such a clear picture of what I want in friends what I want in a man what I want in myself ….. It’s like I got a new set of eyes that are wide open.

     Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying I have all the answers because anyone that knows me knows that my shit is still a big mess; relationships, family, love, MONEY. The difference is that I’m different in this mess I have changed my outlook , my attitude, my energy, and ….that my friends…… is a greater gift then if everything in my life was perfect.

     I still have a lot of thinking to do, I still have many changes to make, and you know what I still have a shit load of time that I need to spend with myself! Grant it some people may not be happy about that, but right now I’m not in the business of giving a shit about how people feel about me!! I’m working on me and my life and my happiness.... people come and go but u will always be with yourself so one must be true to their needs and their  wants because u will be miserable if not.

I have no idea where I’m going I just know that I’m going to be uncontrollable happy on my way there!!!!!