So It's Not What I Expected But It's Still My Life!

Well it’s my life, therefore its me; therefore I have no choice but to love it! I thought that I would be in a completely different place right now! I thought that I would be a happy newlywed beginning a new chapter in my life building towards a future.....Not the case! I was mad, then I was sad ,then I was mad again, and then I realized (recently I might add) this is my life I’m exactly where it is I’m meant to be right now! Over the last year I have learned soo much about myself, who I am, who I want to be, and who I’m not.

     I know that there are reasons unknown to me why my life is where it is right now, but if I take a step back and look at my life as well as myself I realize that my life is pretty fucking great! I have wonderful people in my life and I’m happy! I have unhappy moments, but I’m happy, I’m beautiful, I’m smart, and TOTALLY on a crazy path of self discovery! I have such a clear picture of what I want in friends what I want in a man what I want in myself ….. It’s like I got a new set of eyes that are wide open.

     Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying I have all the answers because anyone that knows me knows that my shit is still a big mess; relationships, family, love, MONEY. The difference is that I’m different in this mess I have changed my outlook , my attitude, my energy, and ….that my friends…… is a greater gift then if everything in my life was perfect.

     I still have a lot of thinking to do, I still have many changes to make, and you know what I still have a shit load of time that I need to spend with myself! Grant it some people may not be happy about that, but right now I’m not in the business of giving a shit about how people feel about me!! I’m working on me and my life and my happiness.... people come and go but u will always be with yourself so one must be true to their needs and their  wants because u will be miserable if not.

I have no idea where I’m going I just know that I’m going to be uncontrollable happy on my way there!!!!!

PEOPLE

Ok this is an angry blog today people!! It’s been a while I got a lot going on! so here goes.... WTF is it with people being astonishingly selfish they don’t give a fuck about anybody but themselves!

Then  they feel like you should bend to their whim, bend backwards for them, and do what they feel is appropriate or  what they think you need! People say they care about you, they say they love you, they say they are a friend!

Then you as an individual allow yourself to get so lost… drift into a sea of unhappiness and look at the world around you as a curse. And yet you don’t do anything to get out of your forsaken predicament! You know what you must do but fear keeps you from doing it.

Taking control of your happiness and you start over! STOP being mad at everyone else for what they have done to you!  Realize WTF I’m doing it to myself!!

Self

Beautiful Divine Forever Mine

Self

Trustworthy, Never Leaving, Always Breathing

Self

Betraying, Lying, Self Turturing, Enabling, 

Self

Leaving, Retuning

Self

Needing Loving

My Self

Book List

     

    Ok many of u people have been asking me about books to read, and to email you my master book list with what I’m reading and what I plan on reading! So what i did was make a smaller version of the big book list that I have. So here you go! these are all the series of books that I’m mixed up in as far as fantasy books next time I’ll do the list of self help books that I’m reading. If you are interested in any of these series of book to read and want to asked me any question feel free to leave a comment I though that this would be much easier instead of texting email and or writing then done for people which is what I have been doing! Enjoy!

Vampire Chronicles  

Author: Ann Rice

Book 1 - Interview With The Vampire DONE

Book 2 - The Vampire Lestat DONE

Book 3 - Queen of The Damned DONE

Companion Books

Book 4 - The Tail of the Body Thief

Book 5 - Memnoch the Devil

Book 6 -  The Vampire Armand DONE

Book 7 - Merrick

Book 8 - Blood and Goals

Book 9 - Blackwood Farm

Book 10 - Blood Canticle READING

Web Site

Hunger Games Series
Author: Suzanne Collins

Book 1 - Hunger Games DONE

Book 2 - Catching Fire DONE

Book 3 - Mockingjay READING

Web Site

House of Night Series
Author: PC Cast & Kristin Cast

Book 1 - Marked DONE

Book 2 - Betrayed DONE

Book 3 - Chosen DONE

Book 4 - Untamed DONE

Book 5 - Hunted DONE

Book 6 - Tempted DONE

Book 7 - Burned READING

Book 8 - Awakened 

Companion Book

Book 9 - Fledgling Handbook 101

Web Site

Wicked Lovely Series

Author: Melissa Marr

Book 1 - Wicked Lovely DONE

Book 2 - Ink Exchange DONE

Book 3 - Fragile Eternity DONE

Book 4 - Radiant Shadows READING

Book 5 - Darkest Mercy

Web Site

Wings Series
Author: Aprilynne Pike

Book 1 - Wings DONE

Book 2 - Spells READING

Book 3 - Illusions

Web Site

The Wolves of Mercy Falls Series

Author: Maggie Stiefvater

Book 1 - Shiver Done

Book 2 - Linger READING

Book 3 - Forever

 Web Site

The Southern Vampire Mysteries

Author: Charlaine Harris

Book 1 - Dead Until Dark READING

Book 2 - Living Dead in Dallas

Book 3 - Club Dead

Book 4 - Dead to the World

Book 5 - Dead as a Doornail

Book 6 - Definitely Dead

Book 7 - All Together Dead

Book 8 - From Dead to Worse

Book 9 - Dead and Gone

Book 10 - Dead in the Family 

Book 11- Dead Reckoning

Companion Book

Book 12 - The Sookie Stackhouse Companion

Web Site

The Mortal Instrument
Author: Cassandra Clare

Book 1 - City of Bone READING

Book 2 - City of Glass

Book 3 - City of Ash

Book 4 - City of Fallen Angels

Book 5 - City of Lost Souls

Book 6 - City of Heavenly Fire

Web Site

Choose to Be Happy

   Due to a series of conversations that I have had with 4 different friends of mine going through tough times, and my own relationship this is what I have decided:

   We as women need to CHOOSE to be happy and the shit we (me included) say and do ultimately has an effect on us and how we live our day to day. How does one choose to be happy you may ask? 

1. TAKING CARE OF YOUR FUCKING SELF!!! Stop taking care of everyone else and putting your dude first! I understand you love him b/c I love mine with all my heart and soul! At the end of the day how can he love me if I don't love myself, how can he respect me if I don't respect myself, how can he be proud of me if I’m not proud of myself, how can he ever take care of me if I can’t take care of myself, and so on and so forth. We woman are the strong hold of the family and when we take care of ourselves we are taking care of our family at the same time! If we fall apart so does everything else so in essence in taking care of yourself you are ultimately taking care of everyone and everything else.

2. Love yourself b/c if you can’t and don’t love yourself how the hell are u going to love someone else, and how the hell do you expect someone else to love you!! How one views herself is how the universe will view you! The universe will return the favor you think your ugly then the rest of the world will see you as ugly! Need I say more!

3. Do things that make you happy create that’s what I do no matter how ugly or bad it is, its mine and nobody can take that away from me! My jewelry my scrapbooks my badly sown pillows nobody can figuratively touch them b/c they are all mine, I made it I imagined it, I created it, and it makes me happy. I love to create, and do crafts so that what I do. I love clothing and jewelry so that’s what I collect. When it’s all said and done I’m happy with all this stuff BECAUSE ITS MINE!

4. Feel beautiful do your make up just to watch TV in your room. Put on perfume just to smell good even if you are by yourself. Pluck your eyebrows even if you only have one hair that grew back in! Take care of yourself pamper yourself, not because your dude is come to see you, no do it when you know you’re going to be alone so you feel beautiful with yourself date yourself ladies b/c nobody will love you like you can and will love yourself!

And that all I got to say about that!

Roses are red

 Violets are blue

 If you can't love me

 Then FUCK YOU 

 I do it better

New With Moi!

Ok so it’s been a long time since I have Blogged! Well I have had a lot of shit going on so don’t judge me people !!

Any way good news I’m starting my own business anyone who knows me is probably saying it’s about time (well bite me ok). The crap I spend my days making is actually making me a profit (I say making me cuz I’m hope it will but the " Secret" told me to put it in the universe so I am)!

What am I selling you may ask....well don’t! Just kidding I’m making accessories and jewelry for now.  I got to start small I don’t want to do too much at the same time cuz y’all know I will go crazy and give up in the middle like I do every other time (self sabotage I know I know I keep telling y’all not to do it and I do it to my damn self " DO NOT JUDGE ME"!)

What? What was that? What is the name of the company that I’m starting... Don’t ask me stupid Questions!! CREAM SODA BOUTIQUE hellllo how much more obvious can I get. Anyway the shit I’m making if for divas that don’t give a shit what other have to say about them!!!!!!!!!! Hence why my blog is not going to be all prim and proper just know that shit!! I’m talk like I do any other time any other day.

 Soooooon I will have a YouTube channel soon and I already have a etsy account but I have not put my stuff up yet.  I’m working on it people don’t rush me! MISSED you guys!!!

WEDDING SHIT!!

So it’s been a long time since my last blog, and I and so busy!! I have been working on my wedding shit CRAZY!! I totally did not know that this was going to be so stressful granted the more stressed I get the more excited I’m becoming, but still good Lord allot goes into planning a wedding!! Most of you who know me know that I physical can't just do one thing at a time. So you already know I’m doing 10 million (DOCTOR EVIL VOICE) and the list is such:

-PLANNING A WEDDING

          -website

          -engagement picture

          -caterer

          -save the dates

          -wedding gown

          -brides made dress

          -everything else

- Start my own company

-ZETA 

-Trying to get back into school

- Lose weight

- Life style change (Food)

-Be a wife (Cooking, Cleaning (my baby helps me) Dog, Bills, LIFE)

-Be a friend (kinda sux right now Sorry to all my girls)

-Be a better artist ( I guess that’s what the shit I do is called)

-Be better at sewing

-Coach Cheerleading

- Everything else

So as you can see I’m losing my damn mind so I need help finding organizational tools so if you have any suggestions I’m all ears real talk (HELP ME). 

So on another but similar note I have a friend who is getting married (LOVE YOU GIRL) and she is my hero she got her shit TOGETHER you hear me!  She made me feel like I was slaking on my pipin you digg!! SHE has sooo much shit done and together that it makes my head hurt.... when she was showing me  her stuff it was no rush deal her shit is BEAUTIFUL and on point. So I was like what the hell am I doing with my time (thank the lord for her) I had to step my game up and in the span of 2 days I have gotten so much shit done I’m and truly satisfied with myself  (real talk I look at myself in the mirror and I’m like damn that a bad bitch). 

I then had a meeting with my planner who is totally excited cuz I’m finally getting all bridish (not diva yet but I have a feeling its coming  LORD HELP US ALL) and I’m totally stalking her now but it’s cool LOL!! My poor boo cuz I’m totally bombarding him now with assignments and shit like he is my 11 grad student in a GT class ( sexy ass student if u ask me ....if it’s wrong I don’t want to be right.... Burr (Gucci man voice)!

*Life~~Really~~Shut Up!*

Life: The condition that distinguishes organisms from inorganic objects and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism,reproduction, and the power of adaptation to environment through changes originating internally.


~ WTF does that mean!! Someone please let me know! How the hell do you define life.... its forever changing, forever moving in a direction or several directions at a time. Who are we to think that we can define it REALLY. Another thing are we living each day or slowly Fading away (just a question don't get all crazy and baker-act me people). 


Quality: Character with respect to fineness, or grade of excellence:


~WTF does that mean who can jude the QUALITY of something is there like a magic rule book?


Quality of Life: WTF


~Really should I even wast 2 or 3 lines of my blog talking about this? IDK!


I will talk about those people who feel like they need to talk about people’s quality of life in other culture and countries. You think they are Savage or Primative or whatever the Freak! You insignificant unimportant piece of who knows what….I don’t want to insult one of the organisms on this earth by comparing you to them . WHO THE HELL do you think you are? You have know idea what "Quality of life" is in relation to how they live! What we here think is important is just that what WE think is important so you and ur superiority complex can go to hell O and opinions are like assholes keep it clean and to yourself!  




Judge your own life and help those in need  POINT! BLANK! PERIOD! All those who are happy in their "Shitty Life With No So Called Quality" leave them alone they are happy which is more than I can probably say (assuming and you know u should never think assume or try to be to thorough)for you!    

I decided to keep this post short or I would go on forever so yes I just stated how i feel and did not go into detail if you don't like it don't FREAKING read it!